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We came up with the idea for a self-help dating book called The Rules after many, many dinners with single girlfriends at the now-defunct Sung Chu Mein, a Chinese restaurant on the Upper East Side in New York City—it was sort of like Sex and the City, but before Sex and the City!

Like most women our age, we were career-minded with our own apartments, but we also wanted to get married.

Vulnerability on your part might improve your odds of a second chance; don’t just rip the Band-Aids off old wound.

“Open your heart and see how she reacts,” Spira says.

“Think about something that you shared together that might warm her heart.” Example: If she responds, she may be open to rekindling the spark. You romanced her once already, but that doesn’t mean you get to go from zero to 60 without even getting behind the wheel. Says Seattle-resident Adria, who took her ex back after a nasty breakup: “He apologized out of the blue after three months of no contact and was very respectful of me. Ask what she’s been up to, how work is going, if her dog is still peeing on the couch—whatever.

And if she responds with an "Ew, WTF," proceed to step two. He wasn't pushy about getting back together, which would have been a red flag in my eyes.” 3. Then, if the date is going well and she seems to be warming up (you know, read the signs) say you want her back.

We are wives, mothers, co-authors, dating coaches, and have been best friends for the last 30 years.Own up: If she seems open, and you want to step up for another at-bat, acknowledge your shortcomings.“If you did something hurtful, make a real apology,” Frances says. Want the formula for being desirable and mysterious in text messages, on Facebook, and via Skype? Tired of booty calls and casual relationships that go nowhere? Then you need Order our JULY 2016 NYC SEMINAR MP3, now available for only !The 2-hour-plus seminar consists of tips for texting and Facebook, dating after divorce, makeovers, success stories, Rules and non-Rules celebrity relationships, Q&A, and much more.

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